Snowflakes to fireworks – Returning to this space

I’ve missed you, space to write!  It has been far too long.

What have I been up to?  Well, let’s see… my last post was about moving and how I hoped to get back to regular blogging shortly afterwards.

HA!

Just around the time we moved (late March, but who’s counting?), our dear sweet boy started to shed his perfect schedule and mild temperament for something else entirely.  Top searches for many weeks were things like sleep regression, high needs child, and sometimes just plain old help.

My transition from the la la land of having a “perfect” baby into real motherhood was not at all as quick and relatively painless as Miles’ birth and first few months.  I kicked and screamed the whole way through this personal reckoning, spending most of the time convinced that I was not good enough and that motherhood was a horrible mistake.

Postpartum depression turned out to be the opposite of its distant cousin, regular old sit on the couch and do nothing depression.  Before I could realize what was happening, the shaky control I ever had over expressing emotions was gone.  Thankfully, PPD’s little sister – hormonal imbalance-related depression – is also a familiar foe, so I knew what I was dealing with.  I am still in the process of getting my own health back on track, but I can say to anyone reading this who is presently shadowed by this dark cloud – reach out, get help, and care for yourself so you can get better.

Since I did not have anything positive to contribute to the subject of balanced family life, I simply stayed away from this space.  I would think about the snowflake sitting at the top of the blog, a relic from a more peaceful time in our old house with our cluttered order and safe routines that allowed for seasonal banner updates.  I was tempted, at times, to change it in a vain effort to hide my shortcomings.  In the end, I left it up as some manner of a badge of honor.  Now the snowflake represents everything I don’t have time for because I am doing more important things – like playing blocks, pulling weeds, or pampering myself… or maybe just figuring out what to make for dinner.

At the same time, there have been many important projects and events that I am dying to write about!  Our new house is really feeling like home, the little guy is getting bigger by the day, and the personal growth that comes from weathering three months’ worth of a storm is pretty amazing.  If I can pause from this wonderful life to write about it, I will – and that will hopefully happen before I can get around to creating a new banner.  So enjoy the snowflake for now 😉

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